A father was buying bass lessons for his son. After the 1st week the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came and after the lesson the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On the 2nd lesson I learned about the A string."
The 3rd week came by and the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons, what have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons, I already got a gig."
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.
“Great,” she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
“I don’t want this box,” she said abruptly. “It’s been opened.”
Police officer talks to a driver: "Your tail light is broken, your tires must be changed, and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars!!"
Driver: "Alright, go ahead and do it. They want twice as much as that at the garage."