After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them.
Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's me."
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"
"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."