During the school year, the public library where I work is open on Sunday afternoons. Signs posted around the library read, Sunday service available 1:30-5:00, September-June. One day a woman was returning some books when she noticed one of these signs.
"Oh, you have Sunday service now?" she asked me.
"Yes, from 1:30 to 5:00, September through June," I explained.
"I see," she said. "And what denomination is it?"
A little boy had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend, anniversary or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"
The boy shook his head and answered, "Got anything like a blank report card?"