Railroad agent: "Here's another farmer who is suing us on account of his cows."
Supervisor: "One of our trains has killed them, I suppose?"
Agent: "No, he claims our trains go by so slow that the passengers lean out the window and milk them when they go by."
About a year after her husband died, the widow Smith herself died. When she arrived at the pearly gates she ask if she could see her former husband.
"What's his name? "
"You'll have to give us better identification than that. Maybe his last words? We classify each arrival that way."
"Well, just before he died he said to me, 'Katie, if you ever waste any of my hard earned dollars, I'll turn over in my grave.'"
"Oh, sure we know him. We call him Whirling Joe up here."
A girl asked an old bachelor friend whether he had been disappointed in love?
"No, I never was exactly disappointed in love. I was what you might call discouraged. You see, when I was very young I became much enamored with a young lady of my acquaintance. I was mortally afraid to tell her of my feelings, but at last I got the courage to the proposing point. I said 'Let's get married!'"
"And what did she say?
"She said, 'Good Lord, Who'd have us.'"