Nuts are so expensive now-a-days...

They cost you an ALM-OND a LEG!

Shirts get dirty, underwear gets dirty, socks get dirty, but PANTS?

PANTS never get dirty and you can wear them forever!

What is it called when you get sick while riding in a carpool?

CAR POOL TUNNEL SYNDROME.

What did one fly say to the other?

Time to call the SWAT TEAM!