I was trying to decide what to do for a talent show I planned to enter.

Trusting my mother to help me out, I asked, “For the talent show, what do you think I should do, sing or put on a comedy act?”

Glancing up from her paper, she said dryly, “What’s the difference?”

After football fans in one particular city were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, “Everyone should call in and give one word for that game.”

“What’s your word?” the host replied.

“Bored out of my mind,” said the caller.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing... "You can have mine!"

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"