Mary Profile

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Mary

User Details

Member Since : Oct, 2016
# of jokes posted : 59
# of followers : 3
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 2
Location: United States
won: $ 867.00
$15.00 won 7 votes
 

My husband and I both work, so our family eats out a lot.

Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I handed a glass to my three-year-old and told her to drink her milk.

She looked at me bewildered and replied, "But I didn’t order milk."

7 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Mary" |
$50.00 won 4 votes

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?”

“No,” I replied. “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”

“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”

4 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Mary" |
$9.00 won 3 votes

The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, "Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake!"

He nodded but still rode straight into a bush.

"Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?" I asked, helping him up.

"You said if I did, the bike would break."

3 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Mary" |
$15.00 won 2 votes

I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents. Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place. I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room. I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered.

When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids."

2 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Mary" |