Mary Profile

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Mary

User Details

Member Since : Oct, 2016
# of jokes posted : 59
# of followers : 3
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 2
Location: United States
won: $ 867.00
$9.00 won 4 votes

A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat.

She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.

“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer and stripes make you look fat.”

4 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Mary" |
$7.00 won 4 votes

When I announced that I was getting married, my excited mother said, “You have to have the rehearsal dinner someplace opulent, where there’s dancing.”

My father, seeing where this was heading, said, “I’ll pay you a thousand dollars to elope.”

“And you have to have a breakfast, for the people who are coming from out of town.”

“Two thousand.”

“We’ll need a photographer. Oh, and what colors do you want for the reception?”

“Five thousand!”

We eloped to Spain.

4 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "Mary" |
$6.00 won 5 votes

Studying our wedding photos, my six-year-old asked, “Did you marry Dad because he was good-looking?”

“Not really,” I replied.

“Did you marry him for his money?”

“Definitely not,” I laughed. “He didn’t have any.”

“So,” he said, “you just felt sorry for him?”

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Mary" |
$5.00 won 4 votes

Just before Easter, I remarked to my husband that with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt.

“That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills.”

4 votes

CATEGORY Holiday Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Mary" |