Following an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother, eight noisy and shoving siblings, and I arrived at Rheine-Main Air Base in Germany.
"Do you have any weapons or illegal drugs in your possession?" the customs agent asked my weary mother.
"Sir," she said while separating my brother and me, "if I had either of those items, I would have used them by now."
Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"
The mom reacts, and takes a deep breath. "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"
The mom grabs the book and takes a look. Her son was right, the book read "African Elephant".
An old man went to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health.
“You’re in excellent shape for a 75-year-old man,” he said. “But I’m afraid I can’t make you any younger.”
“Who asked you to make me younger?” the man replied. “You just make sure I keep getting older!”