When I was 20, "What am I doing here?" was an important existential question.

Now that I am 66, "What am I doing here?" involves staring at an open refrigerator.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter 'F'.

A farmer in Rhode Island just grew the largest pumpkin in North America, weighing over 2,200 pounds.

The only downside, the man’s wife no longer thinks it’s cute when he calls her “pumpkin.”

There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass -- not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found.

As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning. When he awoke, he went outside and saw that his dog had eaten all the grass in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.

Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."