Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot.

The first actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the left.

The second actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the right.

The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.

On his patrol a policeman came across four guys in a tree and he asked that they come down.

After they all came down the policeman asked, "Who are you guys?"

One of the guys replied, "Geez what a memory! We are the guys that were up in the tree!"

When your age and waist line intersect...

That's a sign you have reached the first stage of old age!

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Archilles' elbow...