A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.
"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same."
"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend, "it's your cow."
The Judge said to the defendant, "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again?"
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police but they wouldn't listen."
Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone.
The person answers and it’s their mom saying, “I have a computer question..."
I’m the best man at my buddy’s second wedding.
Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with, “Welcome back everyone!”?