A couple arrived at the boarding gate just in time to see their plane taking off. The husband was angry to have missed the plane. “If you weren’t so slow in getting ready,” he complained to his wife, “we wouldn’t have missed the plane.” “And if you wouldn’t have rushed me, we wouldn’t have so long to wait until the next flight,” she replied.

You know your doctor is too old when you look at the framed diploma on his wall and realize his Hippocratic oath was signed by Hippocrates!

An aspiring actor calls his agent from the set of his first film. He is playing the lead role for the first time in his career. “How’s it going?” the agent asks. “It’s amazing!” the actor gushes. “The director told me that my performance is making him consider two films with me.” “Two?” he agent replies. “Yeah,” the actor says, “my first and my last.”

At the movie theater, a young man returning to his seat taps the arm of a woman in the last seat in the row. “Excuse me,” he says, “but did I step on your toe on the way out?”

“As a matter of fact, you did,” says the woman, expecting an apology.

“Oh good,” says the man, “then this is my row.”