A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while.
She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said, "What?"
A police theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the officer called the farmer directly.
"Is it true, Mr. Smith, that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.
"Yeth," lisped the farmer.
Being from that area herself, the officer clearly understood the farmer. She entered her report: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
A man was very much in love with a woman. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never found out what made his girlfriend so angry with him.