Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets. In one cage a green bird lay on his back, one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire.
I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight when I noticed a sign taped to the cage:
"No, I am not sick. No, I am not dead. No, my leg is not stuck in the cage. I just like to sleep this way."
"For heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined.
"What?" Chris replied.
"Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!"
"I'm sorry, honey," Chris said.
"Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed.
"Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."
A homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, as a bonus, here's an extra $100 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. "What's the matter," asked the homeowner, "did you forget something?"
"No," replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."