merk Profile

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merk

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 1161
# of followers : 4
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 6
Location: United States
won: $ 1093.00
$15.00 won 2 votes

Dear Customer Service,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

2 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "merk" |
$10.00 won 2 votes

You Know You're A Mom When...

1. You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

2. You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school.

3. You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

4. You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

5. You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak.

2 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "merk" |
$5.00 won 3 votes

When he was four, my grandson Jacob could hardly wait for his first day of school. That morning he waited anxiously with his mother, Katherine, for the bus to arrive.

The bus arrived and he started up the steps to get on. He heard his mom say something just as he passed the bus driver. With tears in her eyes, Katherine said, "What about a kiss?"

Jacob stopped, retraced a few steps, then promptly kissed the bus driver before he took a seat.

3 votes

CATEGORY School Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "merk" |
$5.00 won 3 votes

I decided to stop worrying about my teenage son's driving and take advantage of it.

I got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a 900 number on it.

"At 50 cents a call, I've been making $38 a week!"

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "merk" |