A local Pastor joined a community service club, and the members thought they would have some fun with him.
Under his name badge they printed "Hog Caller" as his occupation. Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented.
The Pastor responded by saying, "I usually am called the 'shepherd of the sheep'... but you know you people better than I do."
Tommy had reached school age. His Mom worked hard to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.
The first day of school, he eagerly set off. When he came back home he had a lot of glowing reports about school!
Next morning his Mom woke him up saying, "Tommy, it's time to get ready for school."
Tommy said, "What? Again?"
A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga to ease her nervousness. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.
One day her friend stopped her and -- noticing her well long, groomed nails -- asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.
"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."