Tommy had reached school age. His Mom worked hard to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.

The first day of school, he eagerly set off. When he came back home he had a lot of glowing reports about school!

Next morning his Mom woke him up saying, "Tommy, it's time to get ready for school."

Tommy said, "What? Again?"

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga to ease her nervousness. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

One day her friend stopped her and -- noticing her well long, groomed nails -- asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.

"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!"

A young woman is visiting her parents. While helping her mother fix dinner, she opens the refrigerator. On the inside of the door, she sees a spicy picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman.

"What's this about, Mom?" she asks.

"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," the mother answers.

"Is it working?" her daughter asks.

"Yes and no," her mom replies. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20."