Last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.

The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"

I replied, "You really want to know?"

Then I dropped out of the race.

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day.

She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work.

When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, honey."

"Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"

If a gang of robbers dove into a swimming pool...

Would that cause a crime wave?