During his wedding rehearsal, the groom approached his pastor with an unusual offer. "I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows, and leave out the 'love, honor, obey, and forsake all others' part." He pressed a $100 bill in the pastor's hand and walked away with a satisfied smile.
On the day of the wedding, the groom was feeling pretty pleased when the pastor got to the part where the vows are exchanged. The pastor looked him in the eye and asked, "Will you promise to bow before her, obey whatever command she gives, fulfill her every wish, serve her breakfast each morning, and swear before God that you'll not look at another woman as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked astonished, but he finally said "Yes" in a tiny voice. He then leaned in toward the pastor and whispered, "I thought we had a deal?"
The pastor pressed the $100 bill back into his hand and whispered in return, "She made me a much better offer."
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news, "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979!"
"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.
"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac!"
Dear Mom & Dad:
We're having a great time here at Lake Typhoid! Scoutmaster Webb is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are okay. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.
Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty; and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.
He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.
I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.
P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?