When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician.
“Has your address changed?” she asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Your phone number?”
“What about your birthday?”
My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home, collect.
My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they want money!"
A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved.
Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, “My darling, I have waited many years to say this... Will you marry me?”
The princess turns around, smiles, and says, “Pardon?”
At a restaurant one night, the man at the next table was pulling out all the stops to impress his underwhelmed date.
He crowned a lengthy list of lifetime achievements by stating, “At least I can say I have been a Hollywood movie producer.”
The woman nodded. “I’ll make a note of that: ‘has-been movie producer.'”