Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.”
Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”
Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”
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Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A: A pine-apple.
My cousin, a teacher, asked her young students, "Why should you never accept candy from strangers?"
One girl knew. "Because it might be past the sell-by date."
I got my first full-time job, but I could have sworn I was making more money in college while working for my parents as their daughter.