Mary Profile

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Mary

User Details

Member Since : Oct, 2016
# of jokes posted : 59
# of followers : 3
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 873.00
$9.00 won 4 votes

A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat.

She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.

“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer and stripes make you look fat.”

4 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Mary" |
$10.00 won 3 votes

We were shopping for clothes when my 13-year-old daughter spotted a hat with "Guinness" written on it.

She put it on and proclaimed, "Look! I’m a genius!"

3 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Mary" |
$12.00 won 3 votes

On his birthday, my husband was stuck driving our six rambunctious children around. As usual, they were yelling, punching, and annoying one another. Joel finally had had enough.

“Kids,” he said, “if you would behave and be kind to each other, that would be a very nice birthday present for me.”

Our six-year-old shot back, “Too late dad, I already got you another present.”

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Mary" |
$9.00 won 5 votes

As my sister relaxed on the couch, her head comfortably leaning against the crook of her husband’s arm, her cell phone beeped.

She looked at her phone. It was a text message from her husband.

The message: "Please Move."

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Mary" |