A man and his wife attended a dinner party at the home of their friends. Near the end of the meal, the wife reprimanded her husband. "That's the third time you've gone for dessert," she scolded. "The hostess must think you're selfish and an absolute pig."

"I don't think so," he said. "I've been telling her it's for you."

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually...

It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...

Does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

A boy is listening to the car radio with his father.

"Dad," he began, "what music did you like when you were growing up?"

"Well, I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin," the father replies.

"Who?"

"Yeah, I liked them too."