Pappy sees Little Johnny walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"

The Johnny smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know," Johnny said, "and look what you got!"

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped...

She keeps it in the trunk.

A woman saw an electrician walking up her drive and rushed to the door.

"Why did you come today?" she barked. "You were supposed to repair the doorbell yesterday?

I know," the electrician replied. "I rang three times. There was no answer, so I thought you must be out."

A man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.