Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into the ex-President. "Hello," Bush said. "Nice weather we're having, huh?"
Moses took one look at the President, turned and ran in the other direction. The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, "The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert."
A woman saw an electrician walking up her drive and rushed to the door.
"Why did you come today?" she barked. "You were supposed to repair the doorbell yesterday?
I know," the electrician replied. "I rang three times. There was no answer, so I thought you must be out."
Pappy sees Little Johnny walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"
The Johnny smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."
The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."
"Sure Pa, I know," Johnny said, "and look what you got!"
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped...
She keeps it in the trunk.