Why did the Frenchman put mushrooms into his bowl of Wheaties?

Because it’s the breakfast of champignons!

Busily texting his girlfriend while hiking along the Colorado River, our fearless trail guide stumbled over a tree root and went flying head-over-heels into a patch of prickly pear cactus.

He tried to shrug off the episode, but for the rest of the expedition, we fondly referred to him as our 'Trip Leader!'

"How's the new turkey you hired on as temp IT Assistant?"

"Well, she's good at de-bugging, and works for chickenfeed. But her typing is atrocious--all she can do is hunt & peck."

Why did the man place scissors inside the refrigerator?

To remind himself he needed cold cuts!