Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer. She wanted to know if the photographer could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head her husband parted his hair on.
"I forgot," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
The definition of Punctuality: The art of waiting for others who are unpunctual.