misc jokes

Before the weeding day the groom told the bride: "I want you to be the major of the household to be making the major decisions & I'll just make the general ones" The
The bride, having heard that, happily kissed her husband-to-be"
Overheard their conversation, the groom's friend, pulled him aside & asked: "Are you crazy? How could she be making all the major decisions in the household!" The
Groom, smiling cautiously whispered to him. “She’s the Major but I'm the General. Get it?"

Did you hear about this new movie?
It's about a guy who is terrified of addition problems...
..."The Fear of all Sums"....

1st man: "My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"
2nd man: "Did they wake you?"
1st man: "Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes."

A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from
an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died."
"Well, then, just give me the money back," said Jean Paul
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Replied Ben
"OK, then. Just unload the donkey," said Jean Paul.
"What ya going to do with him?" asked Ben.
"I'm going to raffle him off," said Jean Paul.
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" uttered Ben.
"Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that he's dead," said Jean Paul.
A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898," said Jean Paul.
"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired Ben.
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said Jean Paul.