misc jokes

A city feller who didn't know the front end of a goat from a magnolia bush was watching his weekend host's daughter milking her cow when a farm hand hollered, "Watch out, here comes the bull!"
The city feller vaulted a fence for safety, but noted to his surprise that the girl never budged from her stool. Furthermore, the bull stopped abruptly, snorted almost apologetically and meekly retreated to his
enclosure.
"Weren't you petrified?" demanded the guest. "Not me," said the milkmaid, "but I reckon the bull was. This here cow's his mother-in-law."

A city feller who didn't know the front end of a goat from a magnolia bush was watching his weekend host's daughter milking her cow when a farm hand hollered, "Watch out, here comes the bull!"
The city feller vaulted a fence for safety, but noted to his surprise that the girl never budged from her stool. Furthermore, the bull stopped abruptly, snorted almost apologetically and meekly retreated to his
enclosure.
"Weren't you petrified?" demanded the guest. "Not me," said the milkmaid, "but I reckon the bull was. This here cow's his mother-in-law."

Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound.
He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in.
They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.
One man spotted a rail-road tie nearby. They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed.
About that time, an old hayseed farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if this could have been his goat.
The old farmer said "naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained to a railroad tie."

A man was walking along a beach when he spied a small creature.
He had no idea what it was and decided to take it home and show his family.
On getting it home, he found it had grown a little already. The family looked at it and was fascinated by it. The kids wanted to take it to school for ‘show & tell " so he put it in a matchbox overnight.
In the morning he found it had grown some more so he transferred this thing to a shoebox for the kids to take to school. When the kids had got home from school, this thing had now grown so large it wouldn’t fit in the shoebox, but filled their school bag as the growth rate was a bit daunting. Overnight, while wondering what to do with this ever-growing thing, the man didn’t get much sleep and in the morning found it so large that it couldn’t even fit in the car. He decided it was time to dispose of it & loaded the thing into his small tip truck & drove to a nearby cliff top. As he was backing up to the cliff he thought he heard a noise above the roar of the truck and stopped to listen. He could hear a voice calling "help, help" and realized it was coming from the back of the truck. "Is that you?" said the man."Yes" replied the thing…"what are you?" asked the man. "I’m a rarey", said the voice I’m a very rare animal, & I grow at a very fast rate, what are you going to do with me?. The man said "Well, I didn’t know what to do as you were growing so fast we can’t contain you, so I’m going to tip you over this cliff & get rid of you". The rarey seemed horrified as he peered over the cliff, & said in a plaintive voice "It’s a LONG WAY TO TIP-A-RAREY"