misc jokes

Halloween Funnies
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.

What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.

Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack.

Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?-
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.

A little boy says to his mother, "Mom, I'll be good for a dollar" The mother replies, "I shouldn't have to pay you to be good, you should be good all the time"
The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for 50 cents." The mother says, "I shouldn't have to pay you to be good you should be good all the time.
The little boy says, "OK Mom, I'll be good for a 25 cents." The mother says, "How many times do I have to tell you I shouldn't have to pay you to be good. You should be good for nothing, just like your father."

What does an australian call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick!

An Antartian woman was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She stood in front of a candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her. He said, "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"
She said, "Duh! I'm winning here!"