work jokes

In an age when everyone seems to be playing the name game of glorifying job titles, the man in charge of the meat department at a grocery store in Wisconsin deserves a round of applause. On his weekly time card he describes his position as
Meat Head.”

How do you catch a mechanically inclined squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a 9/16-12N nut.

HOW YOU KNOW YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 1990'

1.) You tried to enter your password on the microwave.

2.) You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."

3.) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

4.) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

5.) You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back "What's for dinner?"

6.) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

7.) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

8.) You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.

9.) Your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your college roommate used to play.

10.) You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.

11.) You check your blow dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant.

12.) Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking you to send her JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

13.) You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."