Best Jokes

After a lady’s car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of cat litter to soak it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the store to get another bag to finish the job. The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said, “Lady, if that were my cat, I’d put him outside!”

Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said we are here.

The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car didn't move an inch.

"So what was that for?" he asked.

"Control your speed next time, you almost killed us!"

A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender "I'd like a Whiskey Sour." The bartender replies "How do you make that?" The guy says "You put in whiskey to make it strong, water to make it weak, lemon to make it sour and sugar to make it sweat. You mix it all together and you say 'Here's to you' and then you drink it yourself." The bartender says "That's not a drink! That's a contradiction!"

I heard this story in the late seventies. Just prior to a manned launch an insect was heard in the superstructure of the rocket. The risk analysis and decision had to be made to launch or to delay the launch and purge the insect. The risk was negligible so the rocket launch. The insect was dubbed the Gemini Cricket.