Best Jokes

Two old men were sitting in the yard outside the care home one day when Tim turned to the other and said "John I'm really feeling my age today I just hurt all over, how are you feeling?
John replied "I feel just like a new born babe"
Tim looked at him startled "A New Born babe really?"
"Yep, I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

A teacher in a political science class asked the students, "Who is the most powerful person in the US?"
A student answered, "The First Pet?"
The teacher then asked, "Why?"
The student explained, "Because, the president kneels before him, talks to him, listens to him, follows him, prefers him to office staff, looks after his wellbeing before the voters', cancels/defers official duties in favor of him, and boards Airforce One first."

An independent voter was exploring the candidates and their parties.
He asked a campaigner of a party, "who represents your candidate?"
The campaigner answered, "Donkey".
The voter asked a campaigner of another party the same question.
The campaigner answered, "Elephant".
The voter then asked his wife, "who should I vote for - Donkey or Elephant?"
The wife suggested, "either one; both are same - animals."

A police man pulls over a drunk driver for not stopping at a stop sign and asks the driver if he saw the stop sign. The driver replies "I did but it turned red too fast for me to stop."