Best Jokes

The drunk defendant appears yet again before the tired judge. They both look at each other.

The judge speaks first, "You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years."

The defendant interrupts the judge, "Can I help it if you can't get promoted?"

Q: Why can't idiots make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't get a quart of water to stay in the envelope

In 1997 at the age of 87 and not acquainted with modern technology, Ruth was given a "cordless" phone by her son. He lived 1500 miles away. After setting it up and showing her how to use it he went home and called her. "How is your new phone working, Mom." Her reply astonished him. "Oh we took it back. It wouldn't work. It did not even have a cord."

An old man walking along the river bank suddenly spotted someone drowning in the river.

They started shouting, "HELP! HELP! I can't swim!"

The old man shouted back, "Well I can't ride a bicycle, but you don't hear me yelling about, do you?"