A sign in a Shoe Repair Store:
- We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you.

At an Optometrist's Office:
- If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
- We repair what your husband fixed.
- Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On an Electrician's truck:
- Let us remove your shorts.

At a Car Dealership:
- The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
- No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
- Be back in 5 minutes. Sit... Stay...

At the Electric Company:
- We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
- Drive carefully. We'll wait.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
- Best place in town to take a leak.

Sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
- Caution... this truck is full of Political Promises.