Latest Jokes

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says, "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait minute! How come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"

St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

Before the weeding day the groom told the bride: "I want you to be the major of the household to be making the major decisions & I'll just make the general ones" The
The bride, having heard that, happily kissed her husband-to-be"
Overheard their conversation, the groom's friend, pulled him aside & asked: "Are you crazy? How could she be making all the major decisions in the household!" The
Groom, smiling cautiously whispered to him. “She’s the Major but I'm the General. Get it?"

Farmer Emmitt had just finished cutting up hog meat when he gave his wife two hams and said, "Cora take these two hams and put them up for hard times." Cora took the hams and put them in the freezer. One week later while Cora was sitting on the porch, an old truck pulled up and a man with an unfamiliar face got out. The man said, "Hello there Cora, how's it going." Cora replied, "Do I know you?" The man said, "You should, I'm very popular around here. They call me Hard Time." Cora jumped up and said, hold on a minute I got a package for you. She ran in the kitchen grabbed the two hams and gave them to the man. The man said well thank you Mrs. Cora that's rather nice of you, then left. A couple of days later Emmitt asked Cora about cooking one of those hams he gave her to put up for hard times. Cora said, "Hard Time done came and got the hams already and it wouldn't be right to ask for one back!

Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar. Hawk said," I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60."
Tom looked at him, amazed. " Breaking 60? That's amazing!"
Hawk smiled and said," Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that fast!"