Latest Jokes

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

An older man met an acquaintance and asked how his wife was: then, suddenly remembering that she had died, he blurted out, “Still in the same cemetery?”

Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job. “
Why did the foreman fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,” Peter said, “you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”
“We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he let you go?”
“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Peter was hired by a warehouse. But one day he lost control of the forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he’d have to withhold 10 percent of Peter’s wages to pay for the repairs. “How much will it cost?” asked Peter
“About $4,500,” said the owner.
“What a relief!” exclaimed Peter. “I’ve finally got job security!”