Latest Jokes

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
You can keep those other breeds of dogs. I got myself a laborer recliner.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.
Wouldn't it be great if there was as an "edit undo" button in life?
If you are incompetent, don't worry. Just think, in a few years you'll be in upper management!
I thought that it was pretty cool when I married Miss Wright; that is until I found out that her first name was Always!
No one is ever totally useless. They can always serve as a bad example.
I'm 39 years old, and I see absolutely no advantage to growing up!
I just checked a height/weight chart and found out that I am 4 inches too short.

A guy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one beer chaser.
The bartender lines up seven shots and goes to get the beer.
When he comes back with the beer only moments later, all seven shots were gone.
The bartender says, "Wow! You sure drank those fast."
The guy explains, :You'd drink fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy reaches into his pocket and says, "Fifty cents!"

A guy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one beer chaser.
The bartender lines up seven shots and goes to get the beer.
When he comes back with the beer only moments later, all seven shots were gone.
The bartender says, "Wow! You sure drank those fast."
The guy explains, :You'd drink fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy reaches into his pocket and says, "Fifty cents!"

HALLOWEEN FUNNIES part III
What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
Ghost-Toasties.

Mommy, mommy, teacher keeps saying I look like a werewolf.
Be quiet, dear, and go and comb your face

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A wash and wear wolf.

What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?-
They boo-kle their seatbelts.

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula.

What game do little cannibals like to play at parties?
Swallow the leader.

Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's.