Latest Jokes

College
A college's student body is composed of the sons and daughters of the very rich who could not meet the academic requirements of any other college. Lo and behold, the college basketball team wins every game and dominates their league. All this success is due to one amazing player - a cross between Larry Bird and Michael Jordan.
This kid is terrific. The player and the team become the center of nationwide media attention. The student body is thrilled. Now, the NCAA goes to the college and asks for proof of this player's academic eligibility. The college administration promises such documentation in a few days. The faculty works night and day coaching the student for the crucial test.
The day of the public examination arrives, and the entire student body is there to support their star player. A professor stands, and announces the first question, "How much is five and two?" The student frowns in deep concentration - he thinks, he sweats, he shakes with effort. At last he shouts the answer, "SEVEN". The entire student body rises, and as a single voice, they cry. "Give him another chance. Give him another chance".

String
A string walks into a pub and sits at the bar. the bartender looks at the string and says " we don't serve your kind here ". The string getting upset slams his hand on the bar and yells " GIM ME A BEER ". The bartender looks at the string and says " Hey ! We don't serve your kind here ". The string, really upset, slams his hand on the bar, spilling all the beers on the bar, yelling at the top of his string lungs " I SAID GIMME A BEER ". The bartender getting frustrated with the string throws him out of the pub. The upset string, leaving the pub passes a rope. The string turns to the rope and says " Hey, I'll give you five dollars to tie me into a knot and fray the ends ". The rope looks at the string and says " you will give me five dollars to tie you into a knot and fray the ends ". "ya ya " the string says, " I'll give you five dollars to tie me into a knot and fray the ends ". the rope taking the five dollars, ties the string into a knot and frays the ends. The string who is now tied into a knot with the ends frayed, walks back into the pub. The string slams his hand down on the bar and yells " GIMME A BEER ". the bartender looks at the string and says " We don't serve your kind here ". The string getting upset at the bartender, slams his hand on the bar, spilling all the beers on the bar, yelling at the top of his lungs " I SAID GIMME A BEER ". The bartender looks at the string and says " Hey, your that string I threw out of here ". the string yelling back at the top of his lungs " NO I'm a-frayed-knot

String
A string walks into a pub and sits at the bar. the bartender looks at the string and says " we don't serve your kind here ". The string getting upset slams his hand on the bar and yells " GIM ME A BEER ". The bartender looks at the string and says " Hey ! We don't serve your kind here ". The string, really upset, slams his hand on the bar, spilling all the beers on the bar, yelling at the top of his string lungs " I SAID GIMME A BEER ". The bartender getting frustrated with the string throws him out of the pub. The upset string, leaving the pub passes a rope. The string turns to the rope and says " Hey, I'll give you five dollars to tie me into a knot and fray the ends ". The rope looks at the string and says " you will give me five dollars to tie you into a knot and fray the ends ". "ya ya " the string says, " I'll give you five dollars to tie me into a knot and fray the ends ". the rope taking the five dollars, ties the string into a knot and frays the ends. The string who is now tied into a knot with the ends frayed, walks back into the pub. The string slams his hand down on the bar and yells " GIMME A BEER ". the bartender looks at the string and says " We don't serve your kind here ". The string getting upset at the bartender, slams his hand on the bar, spilling all the beers on the bar, yelling at the top of his lungs " I SAID GIMME A BEER ". The bartender looks at the string and says " Hey, your that string I threw out of here ". the string yelling back at the top of his lungs " NO I'm a-frayed-knot

Question

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
Answer: Up his sleevies!