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A Polish man moved to the United States and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well — until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: "Have you any grounds?"

Man: "Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home."

Lawyer: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

Man: "It’s made of concrete."

Lawyer: "I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"

Man: "No, we have a carport."

Lawyer: "I mean, what are your relations like?"

Man: "All my relations are still in Poland."

Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

Man: "We have a high-fidelity stereo and good DVD player."

Lawyer: "Does your wife beat you up?"

Man: "No, I always wake up before her."

Lawyer: "Sir, exactly why do you want this divorce?"

Man: "She's going to kill me."

Lawyer: "What makes you think that?"

Man: "I have proof."

Lawyer: "What kind of proof?"

Man: "She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle and put it on the shelf in the bathroom. I can read it and it says ... 'Polish remover.' "

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