5. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break."

4. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.

3. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.

2. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying, "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."

1. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "non-smoking" iron lung.