- If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.