A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over.
All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under "Previous Employment" she had listed 'Babysitting'.
But then she read under "Reason for Leaving" and her daughter had answered, 'Parents came home'.
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong.
He told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped."
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"
The first fellow does just that. The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"
"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"
Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself.
Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!"
The next day, Carl calls again, resulting in the same sequence of events.
The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period! We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?"
"Well Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough."