A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.
"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"
"Ten," said Buffy.
So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had two rolls leftover.
"Buffy," she said, "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got two leftover?"
"Yeah?" said Buffy, "That's funny, so did I!"
Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment."
"So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked his friend.
"Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment."
As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day.
Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been at previously had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox.
Cautiously, he asked the school's long time custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?"
The Custodian looked at him gravely... "We trust them with the children, don't we?"
When he was four, my grandson Jacob could hardly wait for his first day of school. That morning he waited anxiously with his mother, Katherine, for the bus to arrive.
The bus arrived and he started up the steps to get on. He heard his mom say something just as he passed the bus driver. With tears in her eyes, Katherine said, "What about a kiss?"
Jacob stopped, retraced a few steps, then promptly kissed the bus driver before he took a seat.