Marty Profile

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Marty

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 466
# of followers : 16
# of following: 16
eligible jokes to win : 3
Location: United States
won: $ 345.00
1 votes

Teacher: Since it's storm season, can anyone tell the class what a category five storm is?

Little Johnny: It’s when everyone hides in their room, including dad. It usually happens when Aunt Suzy comes to visit us and she starts talking to my mom about politics.

1 votes

posted by "Marty" |
$7.00 won 2 votes

Teacher: If two people told you they walked five miles in a straight line into a desert how many miles would they have walked together?

Little Johnny: They would have walked 10 miles together.

Teacher: That isn’t correct Johnny, they walked 5 miles together, so the answer is 5 miles and not a combined total of 10 miles.

Little Johnny, nope, it’s 10 miles and I’ll betcha a buck.

Teacher: You’re on! Now explain to the class how you arrived at 10 total miles. BTW, I’ll let you off the hook for the dollar.

Little Johnny: You said two people told me they told me they’d walked in a straight line five miles into the desert. How could they have told me this unless they walked backed? That’s ten miles in my book and I’m not letting you off the hook, change will be fine.

2 votes

Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Wife: peck, peck… peck-peck-peck, that old Royal Typewriter drives me nuts. I wish you’d get rid of it and just type on your desk top and print it out like everyone else.

Husband: I just can’t get rid of it. This old typewriter is like a dear friend that has served me well.

Wife: Like an old friend that served you well? Pray tell dear husband, if you can name one instance of actual service I’ll never complain again.

Husband: I can name two things off the top of my head. It got me an early retirement; the incessant peck peck peck, drove my boss nuts too.

Wife: OK, I’ll give you that one but what’s the other thing?

Husband: You did say you’d quit complaining right?

1 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Fred: Honey, I lost my car keys.

Marge: Again, we need to have a little talk about this Fred. Did you look on the key pegs in the kitchen?

Fred: Oh, there they are; I don't know what I'd do without you Marge. I swear without you I couldn't find the bathroom tissue.

Marge: That's another thing we need to chat about Fred.

Fred: Things would be fine if you didn't hide it in the bathroom.

Marge: I don't hide it, I keep it in the same place in plain sight. It's always right there on the top shelf.

Fred: You're right Marge, we do need to have a little chat about this.

1 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Marty" |