According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death.

This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

A little old lady.

A little old lady who?

I had no idea you could yodel.

It would be embarrassing trying to explain what an appetizer is to someone from a starving country.

“Yeah, the appetizer—that’s the food we eat before we have our food. No, no, you're thinking of dessert—that’s food we have after we have our food.”

Me: Mom, you're invading my personal space.

Mom: Well, you came out of my personal space, so that makes us even.