Leibel Profile

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Leibel

User Details

Member Since : Feb, 2016
# of jokes posted : 85
# of followers : 7
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 574.00
$15.00 won 4 votes

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

4 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Leibel" |
$12.00 won 1 votes

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

1 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Leibel" |
$15.00 won 3 votes

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small, deserted island one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.

Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands pulled out the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

3 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Leibel" |
$25.00 won 4 votes

A woman had bought lots of shoes over time and she decided it was time to kick the habit. She really took it seriously, even changing her driving route to avoid her favorite shoe store. One evening, however, she arrived home carrying a shoe box. Her husband grinned at her, but it didn't faze her at all.

"These are very special shoes," she explained. "I accidentally drove by the shoe store and there in the window were the most perfect shoes I've ever seen! I felt this was no accident, so I thought I'd let fate decide. If I would get a parking spot directly in front of the shop, the shoes were meant for me. And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!"

4 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Leibel" |