A cop pulls over a lady for speeding and gives her a ticket saying, "That's $150 and two points."

"Two points? What do I do with the points?" she asks.

"Well," says the cop, "when you get twelve, you get a bike!"

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?"

So, they all went to the back fence to check it out. The first contractor took out his tape measure, did some measuring and said, "Well, I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the second contractor. He also took out his tape measure, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the third contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy doing it for $700."

A family enters a large store. After browsing for several moments they purchase some goods and head for the large counter at the front of the store.

They notice a robotic seal standing in a corner situated near the counter. It is dressed in a tuxedo and each time goods are packaged the seal nods as if in agreement.

After the third purchase is made the father asks the counter assistant why the robot nods each time.

The assistant replies, "Isn't it obvious? It's our seal of approval."