A manager in a large company noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Little johnny is watching his father, a minister, prepare his Sunday sermon. "What are you doing?" he asks.
"Preparing my sermon for tomorrow" his father answers.
"But how do you know what to write?" asks little johnny.
"I write what God tells me," was the reply.
Little johnny thinks about this for a second and then asks, "So why do you keep on crossing out?"
A fella walks into a bar...
Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog poop just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.
Another man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of poop, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.
The first guy turns to the new guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."
The big guy punches him in the mouth.