Leibel Profile

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Leibel

User Details

Member Since : Feb, 2016
# of jokes posted : 84
# of followers : 7
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 574.00
$15.00 won 3 votes
 

A woman walks into a store that sells expensive rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she accidentally breaks wind. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. She turns and sees that standing next to her is a salesman.

"Hello M'am. How may I help you today?"

Very uncomfortable she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"

He answers, "Well, you broke wind just touching it. I'm anxious to see what happens when you hear the price."

3 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Leibel" |
$15.00 won 2 votes

Doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at the hospital. What did they do?

The allergists voted to scratch it.
The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.

The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.
The pediatricians said, "grow up."
The psychiatrists thought it was madness.

The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it.
The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.

The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And the plastic surgeons said, "this puts a whole new face on the matter."

2 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Leibel" |
$15.00 won 2 votes

Did you hear about the cannibal who kept getting stomach aches? He went to the 'good witch doctor' who couldn't figure out what was wrong. He gave the cannibal a medicine and sent him home.

The next day the cannibal came back to the witch doctor and complained of cramps and pains. The witch doctor asked him a bunch of questions and could not figure out what was wrong. As a last resort, the witch doctor asked the cannibal if he had eaten anything strange. The cannibal replied "No."

"Well, what are you eating?" the witch doctor asked.

"The usual," replied the cannibal, "You know just a couple of those Missionaries every now and then."

"Missionaries?" replied the witch doctor. "Just how do you cook them?" he asked.

"The normal way" answered the cannibal as he described the technique. "I boil a lot of water in the big pot, add a little seasoning, a few herbs and vegetables" he further related.

Well, that sounded right to the witch doctor so he pressed a little further. "So, describe these missionaries to me?" he asked.

"Well," replied the cannibal, "you know the ones, they wear those brown robes, wear those sandals on their feet, and they have that bald spot on top of their head."

"THAT'S IT!" exclaimed the witch doctor, "That's your problem! Those are friars... not boilers!!!"

2 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Leibel" |
$15.00 won 4 votes

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

4 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Leibel" |