A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane.

Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the over-sized luggage. "When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I don't have this problem."

The flight attendant smiled, "When you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son.

"Don’t be nervous, son, just do your best and remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

Husband: You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you.

Wife: Nonsense! it's only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well...

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached the city of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.

At the counter, the husband asked the not-so-bright waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"

She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."